When you start off in a relationship, the future looks rosy and you envision a lifetime of eternal bliss and contentment with the person you love. The very idea of relationship problems might seem alien to you and you believe that you have found the perfect partner. However, as time passes, the reality of relationship problems begins to hit you. You quarrel for small things and things that would have been easy to handle earlier, now become a major irritant. Clearly, your relationship has hit troubled waters.
All relationships do have problems, and these problems usually can be dealt with. However, there are times when your actions can break your fragile relationship and can lead to the bond being broken, at times even beyond reconciliation. If you are doing any of the following things, it is time to stop right now if you want to fix your relationship.
Playing The Blame Game
There are times we spend so much time pointing fingers at our partner’s mistakes that we stop to take a look at our own contribution to the problem. When your relationship is in trouble, take ownership of your own mistakes and work towards setting things right before you point at your partner’s failings. Fault-finding and blaming your partner will only make your relationship problems worse, even if there is quite a lot that your partner needs to work on. If you really need to address concerns as to your partners behaviour or activities, wait for the right time and do so without blaming him/ her for your relationship problems.
Suspicion is a major relationship breaker. If you have the habit of constantly checking your partner’s text messages, e-mails and correspondence, of it you constantly suspect him/ her of being unfaithful to you, then your relationship problems are bound to go from bad to worse. Most suspicions are unfounded and if you spend some time thinking about the root of these, you will find that they actually lie in your own insecurity. Therefore, address your own issues before allowing your suspicions to ruin your relationship. If there is a valid reason for your suspicion, then address the matter calmly and refrain from constantly bringing it up if it has been proven to be baseless.
No one likes to be in a relationship with a person who throws either temper tantrums or emotional tantrums at the slightest provocation. If you have a problem in getting your temper or your emotions under control, work on this as it can really ruin your relationship if left unchecked. A tantrum could be the last stray for an already troubled relationship, and you definitely do not want to let things get to that stage.
Gossiping About Your Relationship Problems
While you might want to unburden yourself to your friends, gossiping about your relationship problems is one of the worst things that you can do if your relationship is already in trouble. Things that you tell mutual friends might be passed around in a totally different light and could reach the ears of your partner as something absolutely contrary to what you actually said, and which you will not be able to defend anyway. This can break your relationship irrevocably. Work on settling your relationship problems in a mature way. If you need to talk to anyone about it, seek out the advice of a relationship counsellor.
Beginning To Stalk
You know that you relationship is in trouble and you then begin to wonder whether your partner is distant toward you because he or she is seeing someone else. Suspicion leads on to paranoia, and you begin to stalk your partner. This can take many forms – keeping a track of where he or she is going, checking on correspondence, and even monitoring phone calls. This is a huge relationship breaker and should be avoided. Give your partner some space. Stalking is not the sign of a healthy relationship and can lead to major complications.
When you are afraid of losing the person your love because of relationship problems, you might be tempted to cling to him or her even more. This can lead to the push and pull effect – the more you push towards your partner, the more your partner pulls away. Being clingy also causes your partner to get suffocated in the relationship and relationship cracks become more pronounced. Therefore, give your partner some space and resist the temptation to cling, no matter how insecure you might be feeling.
Becoming Extra Nice
While it is good to be sweet, avoid being saccharine sweet. This means that when you see that your relationship is in trouble avoid being unnaturally sweet and good to your partner, or being a doormat. This is not going to help. On the contrary, your partner will see that you are not being yourself and this can put him or her off. Be yourself, while avoiding traits that could make things worse between the two of you.
Keeping In Touch All The Time
You are so worried that your relationship is going to break completely, that you begin to constantly remind your partner of your presence, either by texts, e-mails, instant messages, phone calls or gifts. Cut this out if you want to hold your relationship together. While you are doing all of this out of love, these actions could make your partner run even further from you. An occasional positive bit of communication is fine. However, avoid overdoing it.
Flirting With Others
Some people make the mistake of thinking that if they flirt with others their partner will get jealous and work on the relationship. To an already troubled relationship, this can be a major cause for complete breakdown. If you flirt with others when your partner is already unhappy with your relationship, he or she will feel that this is added reason to leave you, and the next thing you realise is that your relationship is over. Be faithful to your partner. It will pay off in the end.
Having A Don’t-Care Attitude
Having a don’t-care attitude will give your partner the impression that you are not interested in the relationship and in him or her. There are many people who might tell you that if you back off and use reverse psychology on your partner, he or she will come back to you. Well, this might work to a small extent. However, this will break your relationship in the long run since the underlying problems still remain. Take an interest in your partner and continue to work on your relationship. When you care, even the most disgruntled partner will care too.
Many people feel that it takes two to make a relationship and it should therefore take two people to even fix a relationship that is in trouble. This is true in most cases. However, there are some cases where this is not the rule. There are times when relationship problems might have pushed your partner to a point where he or she is fed up of the relationship. In other cases, there could be circumstances that stress your partner out to the point where logical and reasonable thinking is difficult. In these cases, it is illogical to expect your partner to work with you on the relationship right at the start.
By not contributing further to relationship breakdown by doing the things mentioned above, you will be giving your partner a chance to heal and come to a state where he or she can work on the relationship. Once this stage is reached, you can take things forward together.